A brief guide on how to build a shitty startup from scratch!
Let’s deep dive into how to build a shitty business and make it a big thing!
Let’s be clear. You probably here to know how to build a shitty startup from scratch.
If you looking for how to build a “successful business” or looking for a fairy animal, this article is not for you.
Get out of here!
If you here to kickstart your shitty business from zero, you come in a good place.
Although there are many ways to build a shitty startup, in this article, I try to focus on the main steps and fundamentals of building a shitty company.
But what the heck is the shitty startup?
What is a shitty startup?
A shitty startup is a shorter-lived business that does things crappy and doesn’t make a meaningful difference.
In another language, it means a shitty business doesn’t last more than 5, 10, or even 20 years and it’s just a trend.
It doesn’t bring something new to the world and doesn’t make an impact.
That’s why we call it shitty.
A business that burning money and time, and ultimately become an obstacle you must get rid of that — fast!
However, building shitty startups is a booming economy.
Sit tight, because we gonna begin the adventure. Let’s get started!
Having a perfect idea is the first step to build a shitty startup
It’s a great feeling.
I know, I know.
When you have that “Aha” moment and finally you find an idea to kickstart your shitty startup.
It’s such a pure and delightful moment.
First thing first, you must find that perfect idea in the very beginning.
An idea that so perfect and unique you can not change and ultimately you fell in love with it.
Let’s tell you the story of Imercive.
It was a perfect idea and the founder-CEO was fell in love with it.
Let’s hear from his words:
For one, we stuck with the wrong strategy for too long. I think this was partly because it was hard to admit the idea wasn’t as good as I originally thought or that we couldn’t make it work. If we had been honest with ourselves earlier on we may have been able to pivot sooner and have enough capital left to properly execute the new strategy. I believe the biggest mistake I made as CEO of imercive was failing to pivot sooner.
What is the second step? Having a shitty founding team
For building a shitty business from zero, you need a shitty founding team.
How does it look like?
For example imagine you are a product designer, so all of the founding teams must be also product designers.
But for 100% succeed as a shitty startup, you must make sure all of the founding teams have the (almost) same perspective.
If anyone has a different vision and tends to look at the dark side and questioning and tell you things like bad news, simply get rid of him/her.
That’s what great shitty businesses do.
In this way, you and your co-founders can agree on stuff very easily and fast and make a lot of progress.
The Standout Jobs team wrote in the company’s post-mortem,
…The founding team couldn’t build an MVP on its own. That was a mistake. If the founding team can’t put out product on its own (or with a small amount of external help from freelancers) they shouldn’t be founding a startup.
The third step to build a shitty startup? easy, just focus on fundraising
Want a shitty business?
Just meeting with investors and try to get that damn check.
That’s the only thing that matters in a crappy startup. It doesn’t matter how much and on what valuation or for what cost, just fucking fundraising!
Many shitty businesses fail in fundraising and they got too stuck in operation, building product, or customer development side.
Keep in mind that as long as you keep fundraising you will survive as a shitty business.
In a shitty startup, you meet with an investor, attend networking events more than meeting with customers or try to build a product.
Raising too early or too much, while tempting, can be the biggest mistake you make as a startup founder.
That’s what you want as a founder of a shitty startup.
The fourth step is partying all the time
Having fun, celebrating, and parting is a big part of a shitty business.
When your fundraising, you can with that cash celebrating your new round of fundraising.
You want happy employees that attend in partying more than meetings or working on their task.
The hard truth for non-shitty startups is those “rounds of fundraising” will spend eventually — in the product or other sides — and problems you eventually end up as a shitty business.
So why don’t spend all of them on the partying and living in the moment?
In this way, you at least know you are running a shitty business. Also, you sleep better at night.
Let’s tell you a story from Christina Wallace, VP of Branding + Marketing at Startup Institute:
In 2012, Christina Wallace joined forces with former Harvard Business School classmate Alex Nelson to found Quincy Apparel. The company’s mission was to create clothes for women that fit perfectly in the chest area.
The startup kicked off with a bang, hosting a fancy press party complete with cupcakes, champagne, and Uber car service. However, despite receiving a ton of free national publicity, Wallace was forced to send her customers a goodbye email just 10 months later.
Not giving a fuck to people is the final step in building a shitty startup
A typical founder-CEO of a shitty business is too busy with fundraising. She/He does not have time to care about people within and outside of the company.
The founder-CEOs of shitty businesses don’t have time for this nonsense.
In a shitty startup, you have much more to do than worrying about culture or people.
Protip: If anyone tells you to need to think in term of people, just tell them
“I’m too busy building my shitty startup”
Then, they just look at you and haven’t anything to say.
Hear this story from Devver, a startup that focused too much on building and successfully ends up as a shitty business.
Most of the mistakes we made developing our test accelerator and, later, Caliper boiled down to one thing: we should have focused more on customer development and finding a minimum viable product (MVP).
Our mistake at that point was to go “heads down” and focus on building the accelerator while minimizing our contact with users and customers
Easier said than done!
I deeply know it’s not easy to take the above steps.
Building a shitty startup takes a lot of ego and hard work.
Having a perfect idea, having not a shitty founding team, fundraising, and spend money on having fun and not distracted by things like culture and people. It’s easier said than done.
But — whatever you building a shitty or non-shitty business — don’t forget most fundamental things in the business,
Never fucking settled.